I don't know if this is something you worry about, but this topic has been something that has been on my mind for a while now. As a single person, it's hard not to get depressed and lonely when all over your Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat feed are filled with photos of your friends with their significant others on trips, engagements, weddings, or anniversaries. It doesn't help that advertisements on your wall are filled with dating apps, marriage counselling, romance dramas/books, even wedding rings. The longer I spend on them, the more miserable I seem to get. Even my YouTube feed has videos on dating advice, relationships, what men think about this, what women think about that. The online advertising algorithm definitely isn't in my favour.
I've talked to many of my Christian friends who are dating/engaged/married and the answer is always the same: "God has a plan for you. You just have to wait". Internally I'm thinking, "all my friends have someone, even my friends younger than me are married and have kids. Why am I the only one? God can't you work a little faster? When is it my turn?" I've also done the opposite and tried to put myself out there, more social gathers, using online dating apps, etc. Nothing just seemed to work. Everyone I met was incredibly nice and I could see myself getting along and being great friends with them but no one I could see myself marrying or wanting to spend the rest of my life with. I don't think my expectations are that high?! There must be some God-loving man out there that I can walk in faith with, right? If my friends can find one, why can't I? It wasn't until a few weeks ago when a friend introduced me to a pastor online called Ben Stuart, who had a series of sermons on relationships, did I start to reconsider some of my previous misconceptions. The video was called the "Gift of Singleness" www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYD3EsRbJQE. I highly recommend it. It's about 45 min but I found a lot of humour and wisdom in it. (His other videos on "how to date" and "who to date" are also really good.) There were two key takeaway that really stuck with me. One was that singleness is a gift. We have the benefit of time, low responsibility, and little stress. It's a period of freedom but with purpose. That purpose is to have an "undistrated and undivided attention for the Lord". When I truly thought about it, now that I'm out of school, I have time to pursue my own hobbies, spend time with others, learn new things, even read a book, which I haven't done in years, (except textbooks). I could no longer use the excuses of schoolwork and extracurricular activities to not read my bible or spend time with God. Covid-19 definitely didn't make things any easier, being stuck indoors and unable to socialize. Another key take away was that, when one is grounded in their faith and knows that pursuing Christ is the primary and most important thing, it takes the desperation out of dating and finding "the one", because you know that your significant other cannot complete you, "only" God can. No matter whether single or in a relationship, pursuing God comes first. If there are others that are willing to walk alongside you on your journey, that's just an added bonus. This problem didn't go away in days or weeks, but gradually over months and months, I started to see some of the positives in my singleness. (I'm still single at the time of this entry by the way >u<). It's something I still struggle with on a weekly basis. I tried to find ways to better use my time of singleness to improve myself and my relationship with God for what he might have in store for me in the future. And when opportunities for relationships did come my way, I truly was less desperate because I knew, whether I was accepted or rejected, that my identity was rooted in Christ and not my partner. After learning this, I started trying to be less critical and harsh on my looks, my performance, and meeting other people's expectations for me. All that mattered was what God thought of me. I started working on building more self-confidence in my body image. I wore a dress for the first time in a long time. Not for any special occasion, but just because I wanted to look and feel pretty. I started reading my bible again more consistantly or listening to podcasts like the BibleProject or 10 Minute Bible Talks on Spotify. I would often do devotionals in the morning or just listen to worship songs. I left 45 min in my day for time with God. What I once thought was such a chore during uni, I really look forward to, because I have genuine time to go deeper and not be distracted by having to rush off to classes or squeezing God time in after a long night of assignments. I've learned and improved my understanding of my faith more in these past 3 months than several years at uni. I have in general just been more content. It doesn't mean the problems are over, and the loneliness has disappeared. But knowing I am loved by Christ makes those time much more bearable and easier to overcome. I don't really know if this will be of help to you, but I was just really compelled to share my story. I hope this encourages you in your time of singleness to know that God put you in this time for a reason, to have an "undistracted attention to Christ" and lean closer to him. So when you are ready for a relationship, you will have a firm unwavering foundation in which to build upon. Please find comfort in knowing you are not alone on this journey. Thank you so much for reading all the way to the end. If singleness is something you have been worrying about or struggling with, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear your story and build an encouraging community in which we can support each other.
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Jane HaoI'm a recent university graduate and started becoming serious about my faith during university. I made this blog as a way to share my spiritual journey and walk with God. I hope maybe some of these stories might resonate with you and encourage you to share your own. ArchivesCategories |